The Glow Diaries #1

What I’m loving about being a non-parent, and the things that have brought me joy this last month

May 10, 2025

Afterglow is about embracing the joys of a life less charted, and how leaving fertility treatments without a baby is still a happy ending. I also write about rethinking the fertility experience and treatment narrative.

Hello friends!

This is the first newsletter instalment of The Glow Diaries, which I plan to make a regular thing. Life has been life-ing HARD lately, and I’ve been a little inconsistent with showing up here and writing. I still plan on writing in depth personal essays and observations, but The Glow Diaries will be a little different. I hope to write monthly here and cover all the things about living this less charted path that have brought me a glow. Because we need more stories of people who didn’t end up with the baby, and how wonderful that life is.

(If you’re new here, I’ve written several articles and personal essays, some of the more popular ones are, Making the decision to walk away from IVF, Five things I’m loving about turning 40, and Why the ‘Never give up hope’ narrative around IVF is problematic. Oh, and thanks for being here!)

But first, a few reflections…

I started writing here on Substack just under a year ago when I was in the thick of my final IVF cycle (it didn’t work). I wanted to write about spaces of the infertility experience that I felt had little air time. I was approaching 40 and staring down the barrel of a possible life without kids, as I knew that cycle would be the last one. I was craving stories of hope from the other side. I wanted to know that if my other side was one with no kids, that I could still live a happy, adventurous and fulfilled life. I was craving stories to make me feel seen, and I couldn’t find them, so I started sharing my own. I was writing for myself, I was my audience.

And whilst I’ve been quite inconsistent with writing and engaging here on Substack, and not really doing all the things people say you should do if you want to grow an audience, I’ve still somehow managed to attract quite a few people to this space. By my own standards anyway! Nearly 180 human souls who have said yes please, send me more of that to my inbox. If 180 people rocked up at my doorstep I would freak the F out. If I was speaking IRL to a crowd of 180 people who identify with what I have to say, I would be utterly overwhelmed - in a good way!

My last article on making the choice to walk away from IVF, was my most read and engaged with article - thousands of people read it. Turns out my hunch was true. People don’t talk enough about life after fertility treatment that doesn’t work, and how fulfilling and purposeful that life can be.

So thank you for being here. If you’ve been here a little while, thank you for sticking with me!

Now for the Glow Diaries….

I thought what better time than the eve of Mother’s Day (at least here in Australia, and I think the US too) to write my first Glow Diaries Newsletter.

The Glow Diaries is a personal and curated list of the things that are bringing joy, inspiration, comfort or adventure lately, from the perspective of me, a person who left fertility treatment without a baby. If you are wondering if you’ll be a Mum, hoping to be one, grieving that you’re not, on the fence or don’t know, or in the same space as me and looking for connection in your story, this newsletter is for you. Think of it as a hug from me to you this Mother’s Day.

1. Elizabeth Day’s IG

Ok, so this is kinda cheating, as I’m just generally a huge fan of everything our girl Elizabeth does. But lately she’s been posting some reels on IG that have been just hitting.

I was scrolling IG earlier today and paused on one of her reels. She was talking about how stillness is not the absence of progress, it’s the space where true change begins. I know this to be true, but it was just the reminder I needed to hear, at the right time today. We’re so conditioned to always be ‘doing’. Producing, powering through, achieving goals, creating. It’s hard not to subscribe to that, especially if you work a traditional 9-5 job, which I do. But I have come to learn, especially through my infertility experience, that so much light and growth comes from the still, from the murky waters, or the in-between. You can’t grow or catapult forward without having the space to just be, to learn more. Or the sticky times, which teach you something. I’m definitely dancing between a very sticky time and a slow time right now.

Becoming more aware of old patterns, tuning in to ourselves and wading through the shit is all part of it. It’s about what we do next. Rinse and repeat.

2. Sauna and ocean

I am lucky to live right near the ocean, and very close to a sauna at the beach. Now that Perth is finally starting to cool off somewhat I’ve been getting back into my sauna habit. And by cool off, I mean our minimums are 15 degrees, maximums 24 degrees this week - which is a great summer for many other places in the world, but this is late autumn. We are 21 days away from winter and this summer gal is actually craving some cool.

Anyway, sauna. I love heading there by myself, I usually chuck in my airpods and listen to a meditation for the first 15 minutes (until even my ears are disgustingly sweaty), before jumping into the Indian Ocean, repeat. I became a member of my local sauna, so I can have the freedom of going whenever I want. 8am Sunday, sure. 7pm Tuesday eve to sweat out a full on day, why not?

I also love going with a friend - I’ve got a few friends who I head there with regularly. It’s a standing activity we do together if it’s too windy or wet to walk outdoors, we’re too tired, or we just want to chat, sweat and dip alongside each other.

The twilight sessions are my favourite. There is something special about washing off the day or week in the cold ocean, with the lingering glow of the sunset giving way to the rising moon. It reminds you that we’re such tiny flecks living on this huge planet and solar system. Our problems might seem a lot, but they’re insignificant in the scheme of things. The freedom and flexibility to build new habits and rituals for myself like this is something that I’m so grateful for. And it’s this ritual that actually has me looking forward to winters for the first time ever.

3. Slow weekend mornings

I’ve really been leaning into slow weekend mornings lately. No plans the night before. Just waking up and seeing what my body feels like. If I want to run, I’ll go for a jog. If I want a walk along the beach with the doggo, I’ll do that. Pancakes? Might make those. I ran a half marathon earlier in the year, which meant every Saturday morning for several months was time for the weekly ‘long run’. I loved it (in a love/hate kind of way). I liked the routine, I liked how I felt afterwards… (after a long nap BTW, half marathons at 40 hit different). But lately, my body’s been asking for slower. So that’s what I’m doing.

This morning I made pancakes with my partner, did some gardening, read a book under the newly tidied patio, and strolled to the park with the doggo. No HIIT class today, a Saturday ritual for so long, until lately. No 10km run. No kids sport activities or play dates. And I was totally ok with it.

4. An Easter long weekend away with family

Being a holiday period that centers on kids, chocolate and the Easter Bunny, with socials flooded with kids and their egg hunts, this holiday could have been a grief trigger. Luckily, it wasn’t. My sister and I had planned a long weekend away with our parents, partners and her daughter/my niece. We went for long walks in the bush and by the beach, tasted wine, and had many a cheese platter on the verandah of our amazing AirBnB surrounded by the Australian native bush.

Family is what you make it. This might have been my first Easter knowing that I’ll never be hiding easter eggs for my own kids but that honestly never occured to me. I was too busy living the amazing life I have, with the wonderful people I am lucky to have around me. A real highlight though, was walking a rocky and sandy 8km section of coastline with my Mum, who had her 75th birthday a few days earlier! I hope I’m still lucky and healthy enough do be doing these things at her age.

5. Planning holidays

I LOVE LOVE planning a holiday. All the learning, research and curation of possible experiences is such a big part of the holiday experience for me. The possibilities build anticipation and gets me so excited.

When one of my sisters told me she just wants me to plan everything for our Japan snowboard trip in January I could not have been more stoked. Flights, accommodation options, saving copies of maps and marking up how close each accommodation is to the lifts, restaurants, shops etc, reading travel blogs. I’m all about it.

I’m also trying to figure out where my partner and will go for a week to break up our winter in July/August, as well as a ‘sort of group 40th’ trip with a bunch of girlfriends in September. I’m lucky to be able to take multiple international holidays a year, which if we had kids, would not be on the cards right now. I’m leaning into it, and couldn’t be happier about it.

That’s it for my first Glow Diaries newsletter! There is actually lots more I had on my list for the Glow Diaries, but I’ll save those for next time. As always, I’d love to hear what you think!

Take care,
Katie x